Hopefully, you will never need this arcticle. hopefully you will aquire a near unlimited wealth of firearms and explosive before ever having to confront a zombie. But in the event that you must beat or be eaten, here are a few tips for picking the whoopin' intrument thats right for you.
Things to Consider:
Weight: while a heavy weapon may slow you down, it may just pack the punch you're looking for. take into account how fast your zombies are, as you may not have time for a big windup. if you do, go agead and swing that sledgehammer. not even the undead can deal with a mashesized brain.
On the flip side, a quick weapon might make all the diference if beset on all sides- knives, wrenches, whatever, can slow down a number of zombies at least, if not kill them as easily as a big heavy object might.
Splash: if the zombieism can be transmitted through any blood contact (as opposed to requiring a bite) avoid cutting weapons of any kind. By way of example, see 28 days later, and tell me what wrong with seline's machete use- thats right, the zombie blood sparys ALL OVER her like a firehose. It's almost unbeleivable that she didn't catch it (thats why its fiction, right?). Bludgeoning weapons are a much better choice, as massive internal hemmoraging and collapsed braincases will serve just as well, but without all the mess.
Durabiliy: simply put, how many swings before it breaks. in this respect, a baseball bat is better than a flimsy golf blub, metal better than wood, etc. just make sure it'll last for at least the zombies on hand.
Training: for you japanophiles out there, you can prolly forget about your katanas. any weapon that requires practice to use properly is right out, unless you've had that practice before hand. By the same token, any other ancient style weapon, like flails, scythes, etc that you can put your hands on are best saved for the renaissance fair.
Common weapons:
Axes: we're talking fire axes, and woodcutting axes and hatchets. A good combinatin heavy bludgeoning weapon and slicing weapon, this may be the best choice for taking out zombies one at a time (assuming splash isn't an issue). But be careful, common problems include- slow swing time, getting stuck in your victim, and unweildy size and weight.
Hammers: like a sledge or a maul. basically the same as axes, but less splash (good) and often somewhat heavier and slower (not-so-good). personally, i'd skip over these, it's a bit of overkill, and often too slow for any kind of group. Smaller hammer function mutch like a hatcher- quick, usually lethal, but still suffer from getting stuck.
Baseball bats: a personal weapon of choce. very quick, good hitting power, and crushing for low splash danger. Wodden is nice, but avoid aluminium (they can break, not as much weight to em). if you can find a steel bat (often made by cheap brands, or for practice) grab it- it may just be the ultimate melee weapon.
Cricket bats: if you live in the UK, or have an indian (from india, not native americans) neighborhood nearby, you're in luck! cricket bats, while less durable that baseball bats (bring a few) are even more deadly. with very little splash, the flat side can be used to clock the undead right in the face, breaking bones and knocking them down, while the "sharp" edge is excellent for breaking leg or arm bone, or "chopping" through the skull.
Knives: bread knives, butcher knives, machetes, whatever. often a poor choice, for the following reasons: large splash, short range (biting range), often lack the weight for a powerful downward swing. Possible uses incude: stabbing through a chainlink fence, throwing, cutting vegetables.
Swords: see training, above. Unless you know how to use one, it'lll most liekly end up just being a flimsy, poorly weighted bat. if you're thinking about decapitation, and axe would almost certainly be a better choice. not to metion they're hard to find...
4x4's: forget it unless you're the rock. too big to hold.
2x4's: a good improviseld weapon, easy enough to hold in two hands- if you have time, thin one end to make a better grip. again, it's bludgeoning, so has low splash.
broken bottles: are you kidding me? these are only a weapon because people don't like to bleed. my bet is that the zombies won't care.
Chainsaws: Heavy. unweildy. requires gas or electricity. MASSIVE splash factor. all reasons not to use this, the most classic zombie killer weapon. But if splash isn't an issue for you (or you have good face-and hand coverage) let her rip! for best effect, wave side to side to chop mutliple undead in one swing. or for lone opponents, feel free to dig right into that skull. make sure you all gassed up before you commit to using one of these in a fight though.
pistol whip/rifle butt: a good way to save ammo, and may be better than swithching to a baseball bat or hatchet mid-fight. careful with loaded pistols- make sure a round is not chambered before commencing a whooping
pipes, lead or otherwise: prettly much similar to other smashing weapons; heavier than a bat, more balance than a hammer. sometimes attached valves or joints can provide a little extra sting od the business end as well. if you plan on using one of these, consider getting some athletic tape to make a grip on one end- the metal can get slippery, specially if there's a lot o' blood.
golf clubs: Avoid these. i can bend em over my knee, how strong can they be? if you must use one, try to make the head contact frist- it'l be less likely to bend, and may sink in a bit. If the zombies have been raised my some kinda dark magic, and have an aversion to holy or blessed bojects, check out a church for a preist or pastor's golf clubs- they've probably been blessed by him sometime in the past.
a sock full of D batteries: nuff said. not lethal usually to a zombie, but it'll knock em down.
some kind of pole or pokey object, i.e., a spear: generally i don't think of zombies being very easy to kill with a stab. but, on the plus side, and item like this may be easy to aquire, and keeps the zombies farther than arm's length away. disadvantages include getting stuck.
*edit*- this is refering to a real crowbar (also called a gorilla bar)If you've never seen or used one, they are as long as a sledge, bout 1.5" thick wrought steel. they are HEAVY. what you might be thinking of is a pry bar- as smaller, lighter weapon that functions much like a smaller hammer
crowbar: actually, not too good. although gordon freeman seems able to swing this puppy about three times a second, the reality is that you either will get it stuck, or you'l hit with the blunt side, which is less effective than a sledge, but just as heavy. better to bring this along as a prying and building tool than a weapon.
Well, i think that about wraps it up. If you have any ideas about other weapons, or other factors to consider when choosing one, please post a comment after examining the listed ones for something similar.
Happy hunting!
