Polearms

And here it is.

I guess I'll bless my favorite site with my favorite illiterate mutants. Especially after going through the old weapon threads and finding a thread with some of them bashing one of my favorite weapons along with another that I have a soft spot for. One of my favorites? The spear. The assegai to be specific. The "another"? The halberd. While they do have their weaknesses (like any other weapon) they should not be overlooked. Now I know few people on ZPI are fans of anything other than the sword or machete. I can't really say, but I go out on a limb risking it breaking and me falling into the fiery pit. I think it's that they either lack imagination, have no idea as to how to fight with said weapon, fell asleep in Health Education, or too darn stubborn to consider the other things mentioned. Maybe a combination of the above.

In a way I don't blame them. It's hard to step into unfamiliar territory when you've been training with X for several years. So you just look down on it as inferior, avoid it all together, and worst case try to force your personal preference down someone else's throat. It's been hard stepping away from firearms for a while. It hasn't even been a month and I'm already Jonesin'. However some of our members across the ocean don't have the luxury of firearm ownership right away due to .gov red tape and desire to steer clear of illegal activity. So instead of writing them off as a lost cause I wanted to help them. Which required a complete 180 for I, The Mighty Sanchez.

Just to give you a heads up and use it as a disclaimer. If your definition of martial arts training means dressing up in fancy pajamas and dancing in a room in front of a big mirror for some elderly Asian dude who is doing the same thing. Guess what. I've got zero martial arts experience. I'm just your run of the mill Average Joe. All of what I know are things I've observed, picked up from people who do have training, and what I've gathered from weapons I have handled. Hey. Everybody had to start somewhere. At least I'm not claiming to be a 6'2" 220lb 32 year old ex-Army ranger who has trained a little in just about every martial art known since the age of five. Got a problem with this massive wall of text or anything in it? Speak your mind, but only under a few conditions. Stop harping on about what zombies can or can't do. I get tired of that BS. Don't try and shove your own little pet ideology on weapons down anyone else's throat. What works for Jack may not work for Jill.

I'll probably stick with this little gig for a while. Squeezing in some sweet sexy alone time with my guns. In time I'll invest in a camera and a few other things. That way I can bring even more information about these black sheep weapons of the forum. Who knows. Might be able to bring even more if there ever is a ZPI meet up and I run into some like minded members who have martial arts training that are willing to help me out. Hopefully the price of stuff will go down pretty soon other wise I'm going to go broke buying so much plywood.

Make no mistake. A good spear has been the service rifle of the battle field ever since some primitive screw head stuck a sharp rock on the end of a long stick way back in the day. In fact it has actually stuck around with us over a few hundred years after the introduction of firearms and the bayonet. Before anyone can say anything negative about bayonet fighting the United States Marine Corps still teach it and a certain group within the UK's military actually conducted a bayonet charge during the invasion of Iraq. Not to mention I think it is vastly underused in the dispatching of dirty worthless hippies.

Any way let's get back to the spear. Biggest arguments from the smear the spear crowd is the issue of close quarters. Something along the lines of "in close quarters it will get you killed pretty quickly". All I've got to say is this problem applies to pretty much any weapon. This problem can be solved with two things, and if you let them get past the tip of your spear you're an incompetent tambourine player. Another argument has to do with being surrounded. No matter what weapon you've got in your hands or how much training you've got. If you're surrounded then you're in deep doggy doo. Another had to do with training. All weapons require training. Unless you want to put yourself at risk of a major screw up that will result in [serious] injury and/or death. Another had to do with the spear being grabbed. Easily solved and will be covered with the issue of close quarters.

Last one has to do with ability to penetrate the skull. If you're in doubt of it's ability to do so I invite you to test it with me. I'll be the one holding the spear. If you're still not convinced then make a few targets out of 3/4" plywood and test it out. If it penetrates that much plywood you can be pretty certain it would penetrate a skull. Samburu Spear is capable of penetrating a 2"x4" when thrown. I'd say a cold steel Bushman is capable of penetrating a stack of bricks, but it was fired from an air cannon. Unless we've got Superman hiding out on the forum I doubt any of you can come close to the amount of force it could generate. Although if you're looking to build a home made ballista you might consider picking up a few $10 blades for making bolts for it.

Currently there are three types I know of readily available on the market. Only one of the manufacturers actually provide a shaft with the spear head any way. I cannot vouch on the durability of any spear sold. Not yet any way. Unless you count one made by sticking a Cold Steel Bushman knife on the end of a pole. Of course the test detailed it's use primarily for throwing. If their other spears are anywhere as good as the Bushman then those are good spears. The first type is your regular broad blade. Second type I can only describe as something like the Pilum or whatever the hell the Romans had. Third are light throwing spears like the Samburu spear.

Each, in my humble opinion, should be between 4'6"-7'0" in length. Not unless you're meeting goblins who were turned down during the casting for Mad Max who are roaming around on horses and don't have firearms (Good luck finding any who don't). Generally out of the three the only one you should consider for a primary arm is the broad bladed spear. Preferably one that can be thrown quite well. Example? Go figure... Cold Steel Assegai... I'd say boar spear, but I'm not keen on how well it could be thrown. Why? Sharpened and used well enough the tip isn't the only dangerous end. It can be used as a cutting or hacking weapon. Disabling your opponent. Depriving him/her/it of full use of their arms, eyes, legs, and/or hands. The blade shape will cause devastating wounds should you need to use it on goblins or ornery critters. Not to mention it's going to hurt like hell if you slap someone with the flat end.

Also... I cannot stress this enough... CARRY AN EASILY ACCESSABLE SECONDARY WEAPON! CARRY A THIRD SMALL EASILY ACCESSABLE KNIVE OR DAGGER! That's one way to solve the close quarters problem. If a zombie or goblin gets past the tip of your spear don't be afraid to ditch it and go Mel Gibson on their hind quarters. If they're so close it results in a pelvis grinding against another pelvis to where you can't access your secondary weapon get them the heck off you any way possible. I care how you do it. Whether it be some kind of weird wrestling kungfu move or a prison shank sticking out of their skull. Someone being that close is the reason I've invested in a Cold Steel Safe Maker II push knife (probably illegal to carry here and just about anywhere in the US, illegal to own in Canada, the UK, New Zealand, Australia, and many other countries) and may add the Cold Steel Brave Heart (Probably legal to carry here) to my collection.

Other way to solve the close quarters problem? It also happens to be a very very very very very important aspect to all martial arts. Footwork. If you're worried about something getting past the tip of your spear or grabbing it: WORK ON YOUR FOOTWORK! As soon as they cross the invisible line at the tip of your spear MOVE AND COUNTER ATTACK! They make a grab at your spear MOVE AND COUNTER ATTACK! They actually grab part of your spear? If they've got a small part of it rip the thing out of their hand[s] then MOVE AND/OR COUNTER ATTACK! Counter attack if they've got it. I doubt they'll hold onto it long if shove the blade into their guts, throat, face, shoulder, or arm. If you don't like those options go Mel Gibson on their hind quarters.

If it's an unruly human that doesn't want to co-operate and you don't want to kill them the spear head isn't the only part of a spear. Bring the part of the shaft just below the spear head down on their noggin, shoulder, or limb. Use the middle part of the shaft to shove them back or bring it up sharply into their chin or nose. Introduce the non pointy end of the spear to their limbs or the side of their head. Slap them with the flat side of the spear head. Do what you can to make them compliant and maintain control of your weapon[s]. If they grab your spear slug them in the face, stomp their knees, jab them in the throat, smash their fingers, etc. Grab your secondary weapon use it in a less than lethal fashion. Short swords, tomahawks, hammers, hand axes, machetes, etc. can be used in a less than lethal fashion. [Come to think of it use of lethal weapons in a non-lethal fashion deserves a thread of it's own....]

Third weapon that I mentioned, depending on what it is can be used in a less than lethal fashion. Bringing the butt of the knife down on their head, arm, shoulder, etc. might change their perspective a bit. There is another option with this type of weapon, but I do not think them losing a finger or two... or three... or four would make them compliant. I think it might make things worse. However it's better than you or someone who isn't being a [walking male reproductive organ, mean spiteful woman] from getting a spear to the gut and/or ending up as zombie chow. If it prevents either scenario do what you have to at your own discretion.

Come to think of it throwing spears would also be something nice to look at as a specialized weapon. "How so?" you might ask... Let's say they're carried in addition to a regular spear. They're used while zombies or goblins are well away from the group, but within throwing distance. With a goblin it doesn't matter where you hit them. They're going to be hurting something bad. Zombie... You know the drill. No hit to the head or legs is bad juju. However I'd like to add that if it's below a certain part of the torso area it might help a little. Might make it a little harder to move. How? You've got spear sticking in your guts with the end of a long shaft pressing into the ground. Think about it.

If you can't figure it out... Go outside pour a bottle of barbecue sauce over yourself, comb your hair (buy a wig if you don't have any hair), go out into the back yard, and lie on a big silver platter. That way you'll look nice and taste great when zombies arrive. A hit to the shoulder might prevent use of arms. Don't take that as fact or anything. Although bending or breaking of parts of the spear can be a problem I'll just leave you with this. A spear can be repaired or replaced. Odds are you can't afford to be wounded and you don't want to be replaced due to a $.7-$.64 severance package without any benefits.

If you're going to be doing any zombie killing do so with a partner or group of people if possible. Three with spears. Two with spears and one with other weapon if there is more than one person with you. Up to you just use your brain. I'm sure you can figure out how this would go. If not... I'll play special ed teacher for a moment:

Person #1 stabs zombie with spear. Holds zombie with spear long enough for Person #2 to give zombie a botched lobotomy with his spear or other weapon.

Person #1 stabs zombie with spear. Person #2 stabs zombie with spear. Both hold zombie long enough for Person #3 to give zombie botched lobotomy with his spear or other weapon.

Person #1 takes out zombie's leg with spear. Zombie falls to ground. Person #2 pins zombie to ground with spear. Person #1 does the same (or gives zombie botched lobotomy). Both hold zombie long enough for Person #3 to give zombie a botched lobotomy with his spear or other weapon.

Etc.

Follow the same method of disposal if alone (stop threat then neutralize it). Nothing glamorous or exciting about it. Just a simple way to neutralize a few zombies without expending to much energy and keeping the risk of infection for you (and/or others) as low as possible. So don't get your hopes up then take all that Conan The Barbarian BS out of your mind, put it in a little air tight box, and chuck it in the deepest darkest part of the ocean. There isn't a Valhalla waiting for you after you're given a botched lobotomy or ripped to shreds by zombies because the Techno Viking turned it into a disco. As we all know from the greatness known as Ash Williams disco is in hell. Therefore Valhalla is hell and the Techno Viking is Satan.

Now onto other pole arms. Like the halberd and pole ax. I kind of like them. They're very simple weapons with a very long reach. Both come with a high price. Weight. At about six to eight pounds it's a fooking boat anchor. Only that is also an advantage because it's going to hit like the proverbial ton of bricks. Also it's going to take a little more time to recover if you screw up. Going to be way harder to recover if used improperly and that kind of screw up can result in injury (weight is partially responsible). Not a fun thing to mess up any muscles because you couldn't figure out how to use a weapon. So learn the basics on how to use it (shouldn't be hard) and keep your attacks simple.

Personal opinion, I don't think pole arms should be a primary weapon. I think they're specialized weapons like spears meant for throwing. Only to be used in certain situations. Such as taking back an area from a decent sized group of zombies with proper planning. However if you don't have to worry about most environmental factors and/or carrying it for a long distance... Carry the darn thing if you like. I know I'm not. Mr. Pole Ax can ride wrapped in plastic and tied down on top of the bugabago. Either that or stay propped up in the closet of Casa Del Sanchez with his little brother Mr. Short Handled Pole Ax until he is needed for some anti-zombie duty.

Now what do I like about pole ax... It's basically an ax blade on the end of a really long pole... Sometimes with a hammer... Sometimes without... It's an implement of warfare plain and simple. Used for fighting an armored enemy, who is also armed, trained, and doesn't want to be harmed. That's something that stands head and shoulders above a zombie. If it's got a hammer end it's going to stun, crush, or break whatever it hits. Armored or not. The blade is going to shear through flesh, bone, and light armor. Even if hit's armor that isn't easily pierced it's going to rattle the hell out of your target. To keep up with my trend of breaking through the "Blade is the only part of a weapon" mindset it can be used for more than hacking, chopping, and smashing. It can be used in ways similar to how tomahawks and axes are used. Hooking, pushing, pulling, slapping, and jabbing. Way slower than a regular axe or tomahawk however.

Do I have your attention now? Sounds like a pretty good weapon then? Think about it. You bring that sucker down on a zombie it's going to do some major damage no matter where you hit him. Busted to hell shoulder or arm is going to make it a whole lot harder to grab someone. Busted leg is going to make it a whole lot harder to move. An arm or leg removed is going to make it even more difficult. Don't even get me started on the neck and jaw. You push/pull the moving sack of fertilizer off it's feet or off balance it's going to take more time for it to recover. Long enough for you to follow up with a devastating attack or strap on your boogie shoes then conduct a tacticool withdraw. A jab or slap to the face can buy yourself a little time to resort for hooking/pulling or attacking. All in how you use it.

Depending on the type of halberd you're using all that I've said about the ax applies to the halberd. It can be used for hacking, chopping, slapping, hooking, pushing, pulling, smashing, and jabbing. Only the last method mentioned will probably cause a lot more damage. What do you expect from something that that combines the best traits of a spear and an ax into one weapon? Cold Steel made a Swiss Halberd a while back. That weapon is something I lust after and wish a great deal to add to my collection. Sadly it's discontinued. However I'm going to continue to pester them with a letter and e-mail once a month asking them to do a limited production of the weapon. Maybe the whole of ZPI's membership and their peoples could help me out by doing the same? Never know. They might get so tired of being pestered by thousands of letters and emails that they might make it again for a limited time or bribe us with discounts to make us stop. If I had that bad boy I'd engrave "Unity" on the blade and say "F*** your Shaolin Spade. Buy another one you rich motherf*****."

Almost everything I said about the spear applies to pole arms. Worried about close-quarters? Footwork and carry [an] additional weapon[s]. Require use of weapon in a less than lethal fashion? Use the shaft of the weapon. Slap with the flat part of the blade. Use it for hooking and pulling. If you've got a pole ax jab or push with it, ONLY IF it doesn't have any kind of sharp pointy parts on it. Don't even think about jabbing or pushing with the halberd if you need to use it in a less than lethal fashion. Unless you're using the opposite end that doesn't have any sharp pointy parts on it. Ditch the weapon and use your secondary weapon in a less than lethal fashion. Like I said before if it keeps you or someone who isn't being a walking male reproductive organ from getting a sharp object in the gut and/or ending up as zombie chow do what you have to at your own discretion.

Speaking of the Shaolin spade. I don't care for it as a weapon. One reason being I've seen or handled one. I've never even seen one used. However that doesn't mean I'm without an opinion on it. Seems the Brooks hype has made it into something else entirely. I don't believe that "Safety of a spear and killing power of a katana" BS. I highly doubt a single thrust is going to result in decapitation. I highly doubt five of them is going to. Unless your target is on the ground or against some other object. Still unsure as to if it would be very good for the job. Judging by a picture of one it might be a decent weapon for some people if they find the right one. Could be used for hooking legs, ankles, etc. I'm sure it'll hurt like hell to have a blunted end dropped on my head or shoulder. Really would suck to have it smacking into the side of my head or face. Could be used for pushing an enemy back. A quick jab may disable arms and legs. Going on a "I heard it from a guy who heard it from another guy." principle it was originally a less than lethal weapon. Monks never sharpened it due to some weird thing about blood being spilt on temple grounds or something. Don't take it as fact or a history lesson.

Just in case anyone doubts the potential of well placed cut they may want to visit a previous thread on two articles that had to do with knife defense and knife wounds. Ah what the hey:

Facing an edged weapon...

While it is an article concerning defense against knifes when armed with a firearm it provides a fair amount of useful information on what a knife is capable of.

"Indiana Jones" had the right idea

Disclaimer: This picture contains some really nasty pictures of somewhat nasty knife wounds. If you are underage or possess a weak stomach I suggest you do not click on the link. Ye have been warned...